"when i was 21..."

i can't believe that in 9 days i'll be able to say, "when i was 21...". when did time start moving so fast? i remember my 18th birthday like it was yesterday. it was the first year i started doing things i've always wanted to do - like skydiving. it was also the year i graduated from high school and set my life in motion. now, i'm almost 22. i really can't believe it. i know i sound so naïve, but i really feel old. i feel like 22 is old. i probably will cry on my birthday because i just want to stay young forever. and not for the reasons you're probably thinking of. i don't like doing drugs, i don't like alcohol, i don't like partying every single night and being so tired in the morning i don't want to do anything, and i don't like sleeping around. i want to stay young because i am scared about all the responsibilities that are included with age. bills bills bills. which require a big girl job. and to get a big girl job you have to know what you want to do. that kinda leaves me at square one. i have an idea of what i want to do but the chances of me getting a good enough position to live successfully, well the chances are slim to none.

last night i had dinner and spent some time with some of my grandpa's friends. i was speaking with one of the ladies and we were talking about how it was almost my birthday. and she started by saying, "i can't even remember when i was 22". i know one day i will be that age and my memory will go too, but i want to do something fun and memorable every year of my life so that i can recall each year as a monumental time in my life. at 18 i went skydiving. at 19 i moved to California. at 20 i moved to Holland. at 21 i went bungee jumping. i want to continue this cycle of doing something amazing every year of my life because i want to keep things interesting and i want to, as cliché as this sounds, live life to the fullest. sometimes life gets in the way and, ahem.., responsibilities get in the way, but i don't want to forget that i want to live a life too, not just try and make a living. so much of my time now is getting me ready for the career i want to pursue. going to classes, studying, then applying for a 4 year college, and then going to classes and studying some more. i feel like so many people get caught up in this routine they call life, and i just don't want that to be me. so many people resent their job from taking them away from their families and life, and i don't want that to be me.

i want to tell myself now, and hopefully my future self, that what i want the most is to be happy. more than anything. i want a good job. a good family. a good life. and i know that is a lot to ask for, or hope for, but that is what i'm aspiring for. and you always have to chase after your hopes and dreams right? so from now on, all i want to strive to be is happy, and whatever that includes or doesn't include, i hope i figure that out along the way.

i know this post was kind of all over the place, but so was my mind tonight. i hope you all have a lovely rest of your Tuesday night :)

xoxo